Lately, I've noticed a shallow perspective in how we discuss marriage and one that fundamentally misunderstands what makes relationships endure.

The modern error I am seeing is treating marriage as consumer good rather than a productive enterprise.

Somehow popular culture has fooled many that marriages should be evaluated based on what they provide to each individual partner… happiness, entertainment, validation… rather than what they create together. We've reframed the entire institution as a subscription service you can cancel when the features no longer delight you.

This shift explains so much of modern relationship dysfunction. When two people approach marriage as consumers, they inevitably start measuring utility… "Am I getting enough from this arrangement relative to what I'm putting in?" The accounting becomes exhausting. Every disagreement becomes evidence that you might have chosen the wrong "product."

What's been lost is the understanding that marriages are fundamentally productive partnerships. Their purpose isn't mutual entertainment but the creation of something greater than either individual. A family, a household, a legacy that extends beyond one's own lifetime. Marriage properly understood is the foundation of civilization itself, the basic unit that transmits values, creates stable environments for raising children, and builds intergenerational wealth and wisdom.

The couples with the strongest bonds aren't those with perfectly aligned hobbies, but those who've committed to this shared mission of building something lasting. They understand that temporary discomfort or disagreement is trivial compared to the importance of what they're constructing together.

So many modern couples have nothing to build or believe in, so shared consumption becomes their only bond. Without kids or values to pass down, their relationship is just another expression of consumerism. With nothing deeper to believe in, the only compatibility left to discuss is what shows you both binge watch.

This misconception extends to how we understand love itself. Love isn't just a feeling…it's an act of will. It's the decision, reaffirmed daily, to seek the good of another even when it's inconvenient. Love is a choice. This understanding liberates us from the tyranny of emotions and reveals the deeper meaning of commitment.. not that we promise to feel a certain way forever, but that we promise to act in certain ways regardless of how we feel.

The irony, of course, is that treating marriage as production actually yields greater satisfaction than treating it as consumption. By focusing outward on what you create together rather than inward on what you're getting, you escape the hedonic treadmill that dooms so many relationships.

We should retire "Are you happy in your marriage?" as our metric of success and replace it with "What has your marriage built that couldn't exist without it?"